If you have ever been cheated on, you know all too well the pain it brings. Or perhaps you’ve had an affair and are wondering how to restore your relationship with your partner. Next comes the question, Can we still be together?
I write to both of you, to let you know that you can move forward and that your relationship can be rebuilt. Whether an affair is emotional or physical, everyone has underlying emotional needs–to feel connected, important, and appreciated–that they are trying to get met. While affairs can be destructive and require time and effort for healing, they do not have to mean the end of the relationship. If both partners are willing to address the underlying issues in the relationship and examine how it took such a drastic turn, it’s possible to not only restore connection, but have more of it. Perhaps you just balked at my optimism, but stay with me for a moment! What if it’s true? What if it were possible for you to have a relationship that is more connected, more respectful of one another’s feelings and needs, and more realistic.
So what do you both have to do?
Make a committed, all-in, 100% effort to saving your relationship. Too often couples get caught up in a blame game after an affair and avoid addressing the real problems. To avoid this it’s crucial that you seek help to explore the feelings and needs that weren’t being addressed and that fostered the chance for those needs to be met elsewhere. As human beings, we have an innate need to feel loved and connected. Sometimes major life transitions, the demands of jobs and child-rearing, or the slow erosion of time together can leave you feeling like a stranger in the relationship. It’s imperative to look at what has been going on internally for each partner to make that person feel so hurt, helpless, or unimportant, both before and after the affair.
Perhaps the most asked question after an affair is, “Why”? What if disconnection were to blame? Let’s find out when the disconnection started and when the relationship become unsafe to share those deeper feelings and needs.
Can your relationship make it? Absolutely! Reconnection takes two people willing to understand the impact of the affair, explore the reasons it happened, and commit to restoring connection by addressing each other’s emotional needs. So don’t wait! Let us help you heal the wounds caused by the affair and create a safe, reliable, and close relationship.
