If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety or has been stuck in never-ending loops of worry, you’re probably familiar with that feeling: your mind racing, your heart pounding, and that nagging thought that “something bad might happen.” What we often don’t realize, though, is that worry isn’t just something that descends on us. In fact, worry is an active process — one that we unintentionally engage in, and when we do, it can drive up our anxiety even more.
It might seem like worry just sneaks in, but in reality, there are things we do that can actively fuel it. We think of the worst-case scenario. We replay the “what-ifs” in our heads. We try to predict the future. But the more we engage with these anxious thoughts, the more intense the anxiety becomes. It’s a vicious cycle — worry fuels anxiety, and anxiety fuels even more worry.
So, how do we break this cycle? That’s where counseling comes in. Counseling is not just about talking through your feelings; it’s about learning how to understand your worry, learn how it operates, and learn how to take a step back from it. And while it’s not always easy, there are some great strategies we can use in therapy to help you disengage from worry and anxiety. Licensed clinical professional counselor David Jarosz, a therapist at Life Counseling Institute in suburban Chicago, says, “We can’t necessarily change our automatic thoughts, but we can change our relationship with them.”
Understanding Worry
One of the first things we do in counseling is look at how worry works for you. Often, worry can feel like something outside of our control — like it just happens to us. But the truth is, worry is an activity. It’s something we engage in, even if we don’t realize it. And when we do, we actually make our anxiety worse.
In therapy, you’ll learn to recognize when you’re engaging in worry, so you can start to shift your relationship with it. Understanding that you don’t have to give in to every worry that pops into your head is the first step toward reducing its power over you.
Strategies to Disengage from Worry
Here are a few strategies that can help you break free from the cycle of worry and anxiety:
- Mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about staying present in the moment, which is incredibly helpful when you’re stuck in your head thinking about all the “what-ifs.” When you practice mindfulness, you learn to observe your thoughts without getting swept up in them. It’s not about pushing the worry away, but rather allowing it to be there without letting it control you. Over time, this can help reduce the power of your anxious thoughts. - Learn to Disengage from Your Thoughts
A form of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be enormously helpful in counseling for anxiety. In ACT therapy, you learn to accept the presence of your thoughts rather than fight them. This involves seeing your worries as just thoughts, not facts. Instead of saying, “What if something bad happens!” you might say, “I notice I’m having the thought that something bad could happen.” This small shift in language helps you step back from your worries and stop identifying with them. It helps you see that your thoughts don’t have to control you or dictate your emotions. - Set Worry Time
One of the most surprising strategies you can learn in counseling is how to schedule your worry. Sounds a little counterintuitive, right? Why would you want to focus on your worries? But hear me out: Instead of allowing worry to pop up at any moment and take over your thoughts, you set a designated time each day (maybe 10 or 15 minutes) to focus on your worries. During this time, you give yourself permission to think about everything that’s bothering you. But once that time is over, you move on. When you encounter worries at other times of the day, you say, “Oh, I’ll think about that during my worry time.” This creates a sense of control and structure that can help prevent anxiety from spreading throughout your day. - Challenge Your Worries
Another approach counselors often take is to help you challenge the validity of your worries. This is where you get to ask yourself, “What’s the evidence for this worry? What’s the worst-case scenario, and how likely is it?” You might be surprised at how many of your worries aren’t grounded in reality. With some guidance in therapy, you can learn how to question your thoughts and develop more balanced, realistic thinking patterns. - Self-Compassion
Worry and anxiety can feel exhausting, and we’re often hardest on ourselves when we’re struggling. But being kind to yourself is a powerful tool in reducing both. Learning how to treat yourself with compassion can help you release some of the pressure you put on yourself to have all the answers, control everything, or always be “on top of things.” A little self-compassion goes a long way in managing anxiety.
How Counseling Helps
Counseling isn’t just about talking through your worries. It’s about learning the tools and strategies that can help you understand and manage your anxiety in a healthy way. Whether you’re dealing with generalized anxiety, social anxiety, or even more specific fears, therapy helps you make sense of how worry shows up for you and how you can take steps to address it.
Through counseling, you’ll also learn how to stop fighting against your anxiety. Often, we think that we should be able to get rid of our anxious thoughts completely, but that’s not realistic. The goal in therapy, especially in approaches like ACT, isn’t to eliminate anxiety or worry but to teach you how to live alongside it without letting it control your life.
So, if you feel like worry has been running the show, consider reaching out to a counselor who can help you break the cycle. With the right tools, you can start to disengage from worry and reduce your anxiety, one small step at a time.
Worry might be an active process, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep actively engaging with it. There’s hope, and you don’t have to do it alone. Counseling can help you learn how to manage your anxiety and take control of your mental well-being.
