The thoughts in your head, omg. You wish you could stop thinking them. The word obsessive really does fit.
What’s hard is that you realize that this thinking is excessive, and that the things you do in response…are also excessive.
You know it’s unreasonable to repeat things, clean things, say things in your head to the degree that you do, but you don’t know how to stop. Doing your rituals definitely works, but only for so long. Then it’s the same endless loop of anxiety, followed by the ritual, and some mild relief…only to have it all resurface again.
You wish you could stop the terror, the agonizing thoughts and fears. And you worry that if others knew what you were thinking, they’d think you were crazy. You think, I must be the only one who thinks like this. There’s something wrong with me.
It’s not true. What’s going on is that you may have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a fairly common anxiety disorder. If you have OCD, you’re likely struggling with obsessive fears that you try to calm down by doing rituals or compulsions either with behavior or mental strategies.