Most people who come to me for counseling—whether it’s for anxiety, depression, relationship concerns, substance abuse, or stress management—are on some level dealing with a shame issue, a pervasive or occasionally triggered sense of not being good enough. Shame is part of the human condition; we all have it to some one degree or another. When we’re ashamed, we tend… Continue Reading »
If You Wrote a Letter to Yourself: Healing Shame
By Rory Scher, LMFT You’ve probably heard the familiar saying, “We are our own worst critic.” This means we hold ourselves to a higher standard than perhaps anyone else in our life, and for most people, this is a relatable phrase. A good test to see if you fall into the group of people who could give yourself a break… Continue Reading »
I Feel Crazy, But Am I? Understanding Gaslighting
By Rory Scher, LMFT We hear all the time that physical aggression is abusive; what we don’t often hear or recognize is that emotional abuse can be equally damaging. One such type of emotional abuse is called gaslighting. Gaslighting is a tactic of emotional manipulation designed to create extreme doubt in someone’s memory, sense of competence, and ultimately, one’s sanity…. Continue Reading »
Validation: the Key to Successful Relationships
By Marilee Feldman, LCPC, CADC “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” —David Augsburger If I had to name the single most critical aspect of any relationship, I would say it’s validation. When we’re validated, the other person “gets us” and we feel understood, accepted, and supported. Can you remember… Continue Reading »
Assertiveness: Why Does It Matter, When Others Won’t Change?
By Marilee Feldman, LCPC, CADC Counselors spend a fair amount of their time teaching assertiveness skills, because people frequently come in with low self-esteem, feeling very disempowered. Often they grew up in an environment in which their feelings were unheard or invalidated, by having either a critical or emotionally absent parent. When this happens, they learn that their feelings don’t… Continue Reading »
Good Guilt: When Feeling Guilty Means You’re on the Right Track
By Marilee Feldman, LCPC, CADC Change is hard. When people come in for counseling, they want change, and often this requires that they themselves change their own behavior or their perspective on a problem. Often the greatest change we need to make is that of accepting ourselves and approaching ourselves with greater compassion. Making change is particularly hard if you… Continue Reading »